My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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