I love black thongs
I can text with my tongue
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
