glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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