um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
