She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
