I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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