people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
