i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
