he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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