Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
