Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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