i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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