Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
