You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you win again, gameday.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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