dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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