I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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