the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My ass is underappreciated
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
