so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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