seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
