I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
