Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
