Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
