I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
