Can i not drive my cunt home
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
