there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
