omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
