I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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