I accidentally had phone sex last night
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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