Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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