It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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