why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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