I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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