I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
