Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
