you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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