He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
