A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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