Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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