Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
