Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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