I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
