i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
