What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
