We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
