thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
