did you get engaged???
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
