I wanna passion pit in your ass
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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