I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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