I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
