I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
