I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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