youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
