I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
