Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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