I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
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Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
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He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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