my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
farters have to be the big spoon...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
