There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
