my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
