Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
