I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
