I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
