How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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