Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Houston, we have a blender
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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