Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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