It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
