it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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