can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
