Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
