Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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