Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We are two peas in an std pod
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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