he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
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Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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