What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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