woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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