Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
