Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!