is your mom at the bar?
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There r osticjed everywhere
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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