I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home