I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
