I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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